Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Not of this world
As I look back over the past year it is overwhelming all that has happened. Danielle got married May 19 I was allowed to come for fifteen minutes sit in the back row of the church and was not allowed to attend the reception Yippee just what I dreamed of for 24 years. Locked up in my one room prison for months unable to function. if I look out the front windows of my cell my sister Beth has moved two houses away and if I look out the back window the Koedams front porch is glaring at me. Really God is this your good plan a hope and a future I pray out loud . Fifteen minutes later on a Sunday afternoon I see a young lady walk up to the for sale by owner sign in the front yard and take down the phone number.. My body shakes and begs God that this person buy this house so I can runaway. Monday she calls and long story short buys the house.. Thank you Jesus In October Tim got his leg cut off. Stephanie calls and says she is moving to Sioux Falls with Ellie her marriage is over. Jessica and Danielle are now both pregnant. This weekend we celebrated Ellies first Birthday Jess and Madeleine came and stayed with us at our new house that we are thoroughly enjoying, it was wonderful. I have been struggling nwith severe pain on my right side since the last week of November . Had an epidural in neck last tuesday that worked for a few days and am now back in pain 24-7. Started going back to church and that is awesome. Thursday we leave Gus at vet to get fixed and we are headed to Alabama for Greg and Trishs wedding. I was just diagnosed as being Bi-polar dont have a clue as to what that means or what I should do if anything about that. Last week marks two years waiting for disability benefits and once again they are sending me to another dr. Bob is experiencing chest pain periodically and refuses to go to the dr. I am beginning to realize what I have allowed him to do to me so I will work on that he hasnt paid any of my dr bills since 2007 so going to doc is futile likng going to the store with no money. he totally sucks the life oout of me and I allow it. He is verbally medically financially and sometimes physically abusive I am getting realy tired of it. I feel like for better or worse is the vow I took and question that what if God wants me here to help him to Love him through it even if it sucks. I am talked down to by my children and am sick of that as well I respect them and do everything I can to help them but they are snotty and judgemental and disrespect me continually. It seems you cannot do enough for them feels like your being used and it sucks.I try to Love no matter what but at times it is so overwhelming like your being bombarded on all sides attacked and your supposed to stand there with a smile on your face jst take it and act like its not happening. all three girls are so addicted to shopping and so into materialistic shit its really hard to stay quiet...I kept you hidden and decided to save and post. Why ? I do not know.