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Monday, July 18, 2011

I saved It..

I wrote a blog today
Maybe I will share it
Just not today
The questions swirling
The pain is real
How can I get past
This ordeal
The why is not answered
I do not understand
Thankful for God and his good plan
It explains somethings
None of them good
I dont understand how you could ?

I Remember

A quick trip to walmart that leads to a trip down memory lane.
As we approach the exit I go straight ahead instead of taking the turn back to our camper. My husband looks at me puzzled and asks where are you going? We reach the old buildings with bars on the windows and a haunting eerie feeling overcomes him and he asks what is this place? I reach into my soul and explain that this is the grounds of the Yankton state hospital. I was brought here when I was 12 or 13 years old, probes strapped to my head, my mother seeking an excuse and a diagnosis so she could explain away everything because I was crazy... She asking Dr. about sterilization seeking to end any hope of my having children for I was to evil and vile and God help us If I reproduced. I had a big God looking after me and there was no diagnosis or any other procedures to follow just a Dr telling me I was ok and that he would never consider what my mother was seeking. As the memories overtake me my biggest question is why do I and did I Love this woman ? How can a mother ? I do not understand ..