No Smoking

As I look down and see the scar, ringing in my ear the Dr. telling Bob you must help us keep her from moving or she will bleed out and we will lose her. The sounds of the nurses coming into the room and lifting back the covers and saying you must not move. This went on for 24 straight hours, even the turn of my head would make the blood gush from the open gaping wound that was created to remove one blood clot then two. The wound center and the wound vac later stuck to my leg like a giant suction cup. As the weeks progressed and I was sent home, healing was daily and progressing nicely . One month to the day later returning to work for one day and the next in an instant paralyzed from the waist down sitting on the throne calling out to my husband, Bob I can't feel my legs and he lifting me up and carrying me to my bed, I could not even roll over. Then asking him to carry me to my chair before the EMT's arrive and asking my daughter to paint my toe nails before they got their. I remember so vividly my daughter coming and telling me mama its gonna be ok, as she caressed my head tears running down her face, hang on help is on the way. The EMTs arrival and the mad dash to Sanford health where once again Dr. Schultz with ashen face after seeing the dopplers told us, there is another blood clot. Back to surgery, this time unable to walk myself down the hall to that operating room. I awoke, again I had not died. It was all so surreal and then one day later another blood clot and another surgery. The prognosis very grim at this point and the family summoned to come, I may not survive this one. The Dr.s voice cracking as he told me, we are going to try and save your life, but I may have to amputate your leg ! I awoke again, I was not dead. Lifting the covers to see if I still had a leg or if it was gone, seems like just yesterday. It has been 5 years now and the blood tests and clotting we have been able to control, it has been quite a journey. What I remember most is Dr. Schultz anger that my smoking had caused all of this, he was furious.Today I still light up that cigarette knowing it is killing me and that it is eating away the synthetic bypass material that lets the blood flow thru my femmerol arteries supplying my entire body. The prognosis: we will try and save your life, but you may lose both your legs. Still I light up and suck on the killer cigarette as though this is just a dream.. God HELP me...Another surgery 8 months later for the gaping wound is still open but now the size of a quarter yet deep enough to see the arterie. A skin graft taken from the butt, which by this time the harvest is plentiful. Back to the operating room, this time on my own two feet but with staph infection from the groin area all the way to my heart.. antibiotics being pumped intravenously just above my heart. Dear God can you Help me. The leg I can only feel in the very back, there is so much nerve damage that I am told it will never get better and we can never open the leg up on either side ever again. If the graft with a life expectancy of 10 years fails (that is without smoking) we will amputate both legs at the hip. Still I light up and suck on the killer. My God has never left me.

The Whisper: My child I am here, knock and the door will be opened for you.

Diamonds

I was in disbelief as a 74 year old woman shared with me that on saturday the 23rd of April she lost the diamond out of her wedding ring. I to lost the diamond out of my wedding ring on the same day. We shared that we shed a few tears and then accepted the fact that this is a material item. She married 52 years and me 18 brought together by the oddest of circumstance. I wonder what the odds are of this happening to two people who just met a week ago brought together by our jobs. The Lord has given me so much light and sparkle that I find it easy to just accept and move on...
 
The Whisper: This little light of mine I'm gonna let it shine !

PRIDE

Are you better than ?
Are you worse than ?
Self centerdness, that is the problem.
The cure is JESUS.
Shyness is self centeredness
People aren't always thinking about you !
Does everything have to satisfy you ?
Love others more than yourself !
Love God more than  yourself !
The world doesn't revolve around you.
There are things more important than you.
Walk with God and other people.
God is more important !!

The Whisper: Die to self.

It's SUNDAY

GLORY, HE IS RISEN.......

MOUTH

Ever been around someone negative ? Watched a person deny the power of god with every word out of their mouth, then be baffled by the defeat in their life..
 You put your faith before your eyes, your faith in your ears, your faith in your mouth, you get your faith in your heart. Faith will bring forth the stuff that you have been believing for out of your heart and will break the door of this physical, natural world, a manifestation of the glory of faith will be there because you acted and believed what was written, so it is the word of god on the thing that your needing in your life deposited in your heart, by going through your eyes and your ears and your mouth. It's in your heart then it comes out. That is what faith is and that is what faith will do for you.

The Whisper: The Faith that you speak is what you get.
                      Declare what is written, that's your faith.
                      Calling those things that are not as though they were.

It's Friday Sundays A coming !

Thanking the Lord for the kingdom people that he has placed in my life. This will be the first time in my life I understood the meaning of Easter. Living on the other side these holidays were nothing more than just doing what everyone does. Easter has always been bunnies and chocolate, candy in abundance and a big huge meal that did nothing more than  make you want to take a nap, the fun of coloring and hiding eggs. Surviving the passover and now remembering the one who took the whip for me and with each crack my soul cries out Father forgive me, as he stumbles then tries to get back to his feet, his mother watching and all those that have been with him, the things that must have been happening and the sound. I cannot begin to imagine the sounds all around in the chaos and what each individual heart  must have been thinking. Father we are in awe of your Love for us.

The Whisper: It's Friday Sundays A coming !!!

Wide Load

I feel as though this placard has been on my butt since 2007. Told I would never be able to wear blue jeans again. I accepted this as truth. For 5 years wearing pants that stretch, a step beneath the mom jean. As of this day April 21, 2011 I was able to fit into the blue jeans I hung on the bathroom door as my goal. I put on those jeans this morning that seemed beyond reach and they fit! My wide load sign has been removed and under construction has now taken its place..

The Whisper: My God is faithful