Just Fishin

Thats what they say.
Where are the Hudson's ?
There just fishin....
I can tell you that are just fishin was all part of Gods plan.
We met a teenage girl who needed LOVE.
We shared JESUS and she found LOVE.
We met a couple we call our friends
On Tuesday night Kathys life came to an end.
I do not look back and say did I ? Cuz we shared JESUS and he doesn't lie.
She did not care if I went to church or where.. How I lived or the clothes I wear.
She was my FRIEND I need say no more..
I have not written here for quite sometime..
Now here I am as I sit here and cry..
You don't even matter my other so called friends, who have turned out to be nothing but Hypocrites.
So you no longer have a place in my life..
The JESUS you  speak of does not offer life
Its all about you and how you look
Most of you never even open his Book
You preach it and swear that you know this God man
But your actions speak louder and define you from start to end
You sit and you gossip about things you don't know it has no reflection of the JESUS I KNOW..
The things that have happened on the banks of that river are big huge God Bumps that make me quiver..

My 27 year old friend

This hate it has festered for 27 years. I have groomed it and approved it and allowed it to take hold.
I said I had forgiven just to lighten its tight hold. I cannot sit in the middle watch you pass by my home. I never imagined the result would be not seeing you walk down the aisle and join the man of your dreams and how my heart would smile. Never could I look and see that this was part of my and your family tree my hatred gave me glasses and made it impossible to see. 27 years ago I too walked down the aisle to a man I thought would Love me always and  it never turn out this way.. I Love you my Daughter but I must go away. You made your request known and I have waited all I can.. My heart already beats less its ripped and it is torn. My God will be my victor he has promised me that.. It is just unimaginable that it has come to that.

In My Easter Bonnet

With all the tears upon it..
I will miss you my friend
RIP Kathy.....  Easter 2012 the Loss of Kathy Van Noort posted two days after Easter 2013

That speck and that log Again !

Yes, Lord it is me again, still struggling under the weight of my own sin. As we find ourselves over and over finding fault in another instead of looking in the mirror at self. Today I am Grateful that God Loves me enough to continue to correct me over and over again and sometimes in the same areas repeatedly.. Good grief will I ever get past some of these issues that clog my forward race. Can I reach for the prize or just keeping looking back and offending my Lord over and over in my ignorance. Yikes !!!!! I.. stumble and each time when I seek his face I am reminded of my wretched sinful self. Lord bring me out of this pit to serve and be your hands and feet. That I  might spend my time thinking of others more than myself that I can spend the days you have given me for good and not evil. In the word of god I find my refuge and salvation Amen.. Pick up the Book open and soak in all the riches offered ....That which I hate I do and that which I Love I do not do. Blessed beyond measure and at times so ungrateful that I sicken myself.. I need you lord in every moment in every thought and in every action... Help me to be more like you, keep showing me your ways and help me to share them with others. I knock I seek I find the door is open Lord help me to quit closing it and slamming it in your face .. Forgive me Father for I have sinned relentlessly getting caught in the enemies trap by my own doing...

Not of this world

As I look back over the past year it is overwhelming all that has happened. Danielle got married May 19 I was allowed to come for fifteen minutes sit in the back row of the church and was not allowed to attend the reception Yippee just what I dreamed of for 24 years. Locked up in my one room prison for months unable to function. if I look out the front windows of my cell my sister Beth has moved two houses away and if I look out the back window the Koedams front porch is glaring at me. Really God is this your good plan a hope and a future I pray out loud . Fifteen minutes later on a Sunday afternoon I see a young lady walk up to the for sale by owner sign in the front yard and take down the phone number.. My body shakes and begs God that this person buy this house so I can runaway. Monday she calls and long story short buys the house.. Thank you Jesus In October Tim got his leg cut off. Stephanie calls and says she is moving to Sioux Falls with Ellie her marriage is over. Jessica and Danielle are now both pregnant. This weekend we celebrated Ellies first Birthday Jess and Madeleine came and stayed with us at our new house that we are thoroughly enjoying, it was wonderful. I have been struggling nwith severe pain on my right side since the last week of November . Had an epidural in neck last tuesday that worked for a few days and am now back in pain 24-7. Started going back to church and that is awesome. Thursday we leave Gus at vet to get fixed and we are headed to Alabama for Greg and Trishs wedding. I was just diagnosed as being Bi-polar dont have a clue as to what that means or what I should do if anything about that. Last week marks two years waiting for disability benefits and once again they are sending me to another dr. Bob is experiencing chest pain periodically and refuses to go to the dr. I am beginning to realize what I have allowed him to do to me so I will work on that he hasnt paid any of my dr bills since 2007 so going to doc is futile likng going to the store with no money. he totally sucks the life oout of me and I allow it. He is verbally medically financially and sometimes physically abusive I am getting realy tired of it. I feel like for better or worse is the vow I took and question that what if God wants me here to help him to Love him through it even if it sucks. I am talked down to by my children and am sick of that as well I respect them and do everything I can to help them but they are snotty and judgemental and disrespect me continually. It seems you cannot do enough for them feels like your being used and it sucks.I try to Love no matter what but at times it is so overwhelming like your being bombarded on all sides attacked and your supposed to stand there with a smile on your face jst take it and act like its not happening. all three girls are so addicted to shopping and so into materialistic shit its really hard to stay quiet...I kept you hidden and decided to save and post. Why ? I do not know. 

Monday Monday ...

Easter was awesome. Church activities and dinner and a movie with Stephanie. I recall Pastor Rich saying we always ask why about everything instead of realizing the why is so Jesus can strengthen our Faith. How true those words rang into my life. Why do I not look at things that way ? Time in the word of God has become so refreshing and healing and yet it is usually in times of defeat that I seek answers in the word of God... God has been so merciful and gracious to me Father help me to seek you first in all things . Love thy neighbor seems so simple a request yet so difficult to continue even in the simplest ways. I find I am so judgemental and look at others and judge them and myself my sin is daily and wretched. I am seeking to make Jesus first in my life and yet I have sin I cling to not wanting to release it for some of it I enjoy. As we ate the seder meal  and went to good friday services then Easter sunrise services how Blessed we are to freely practice our faith without fear. Across the world others are tortured and murdered for being christians for having a Bible and we here take so much for granted. father heal me so that my life and purpose can be to be your hands and feet and to share your Love with others. Father forgive me I do know what I am doing and do it anyway. Yes there are times when I am ignorant of how my choices effect others. It seems the thing I most do not want to do I do and simply because I am doing it in my own strength and selfishness abounds and creeps out so often I am sickened by it. yes Monday comes after Tuesday but with a click of the mouse you landed here.. Such is life...

Stumbling Blocks

somedays writing is more journaling than anything. A release of sorts for my thoughts and feelings so that hopefully I can line them up with the truth found in the word of god. A revealing process of right and wrong thought patterns and behaviours. I have struggled lately with things that I may do that might cause another to stumble and in that process of course find this in others as well. So what are we to do ? Do we confront Lovingly or do we sit as spectators refusing to get involved. In my own life there are many things I have done that surely have made another stumble. In my church family right now there are hurts that are going untold and expectations unmet. I certainly have witnessed for myself in every church I have ever attended that the persons with the largest cash flow certainly are made part of all the goings on, they seem to be the chosen ones, to be players in all the activities and usually have the starring roles in all events. I sit and watch as children are left out and harmed by this and that is where I find it time to draw a line in the sand. Do you preach the word of God for what you get ? Certainly we have all found ourselves there. Today reports state that Jesus is a big money business and many are cashing in !!! Are you one of them ? Does your church seem to recognize those with the largest cashflow while overlooking the others ? Are you taking all the lead roles in activities and events selfishly denying others a part ? My Jesus did not choose persons for these reasons and I pray today not only that I do not conform to this but that you do not also.